When?

"But when will we return love for His love? When will we seek Him who seeks
us and constantly carries us in His arms? When he bears us along in His tender
and paternal bosom, it is then that we forget him. In the sweetness of His
gifts, we forget the Giver. His ceaseless blessings, instead of melting us into
love, distract our attention and turn it away from Him."

- Fenelon, Christian Counsel

Her Angel Was Watching

Kate was in the hall, waiting for me to finish gathering up my things to go to the park yesterday. I was in the kitchen and I heard this CRASH!

I ran to the hall and saw this. The swing had been folded up and leaned against the wall. Somehow though, it fell over and crashed down around my baby. Although she was IN the swing, it didn't even touch her. She was happily just playing with the toys on the swing when I got to her. She was sitting in the exact perfect spot in the hall where the swing would completely miss her! I'm sure an angel had something to do with this.

The boys and Ben and I just sat, stunned and smiling for a moment. Then Ben told me to take a picture.

I'm so glad he did. It helps me to remember that God is always there, always watching out for us.

Pure Love

Most of the time our boys pray the same thing: Thank you prayers. For the day, for mom and dad and brothers, for baby, for food...

But lately Noah's prayers have been ending differently. He's been erupting into loving praise. Here are some of the things he's said:

I love you, God, very, very much. More than anything or any human.
Thank you especially for you and everything you love, and you love everything.
Thank you that you're mighty and can do anything you want.
I could never forget you.
You are my hero.

These are sweet moments between a five year old and the Lord. I know they touch His heart; they sure touch mine.

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."

He asked me tonight if he knew everything about God. "No, you don't," I said, "I don't even know everything." Noah: "Will you teach me everything you do know?" I told him that was my job as his mother. Whew, the calling is a high one, isn't it?

This child loves God. I pray that I can shepherd his little heart into a deep, trusting relationship with Jesus. I pray that as he grows he is protected from false doctrine and spiritual deception. I pray that his love for God continues to deepen and that the things of this world will continue to pale incomparison to His glorious Light.

Friends, pray with me. And pray that he can influence his more pragmatic brothers toward a passion for the Lord. Pray that his more pragmatic brothers can influence him to a steadfast faith undisturbed by circumstances.

I'm With Him

From Ann at Holy Experience: (my words follow)

She stands at the back door, her one sock molting off, boots still in hand. I catch her eye.

“Where are you going?”

The older children have piled into the van with coats and boots and spilling anticipation. But does this little one know the destination?

She crosses her knees, toes curling. Her eyes linger, searching.

Then eyes flash with the knowing. Little voice chirps, “I’m going with him.”

Pudgy finger points and deep blue eyes follow up to Big Dutch Daddy. Big Dutch Daddy grins down into this slip of a girl. Chuckling, I test again.

“And where is he going?”

A sun coming out from behind the clouds, her smile peeks. Slowly, the answer comes too. The only one that matters.

“He’s coming with me.”

Is this why the Kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these trusting ones?


Lord,why fear what is up ahead? What if I happily trusted? I am going with You, and You are coming with me.

Me: This is the simplest yet hardest thing to do. To give up all "control" and just go where He goes, safe in the fact that He is with you, and He knows where to go. What freedom! I wonder how to do this everyday? Is it up to me or Him to give it to me? How do I get and hold on to this trust? Is it enough that I really want it?

The Lord will teach me.

Too Many

"Here dies another day
During which I have had eyes, ears, hands
And the great world around me;

And with tomorrow begins another.

Why am I allowed two?"

- G.K. Chesterton

Life has been full lately. Full of good things. Too many to list! There has been at least a thousand things that have passed by that thrill me, that I want to say thanks for here on this blog, but alas, I'm too busy enjoying this wonderful life to stop and write it down! I have been whispering thanks to God throughout these days, though. It has become our intimate little way.

Lord, I love You because You first loved me. I'm amazed and thankful all the time.

Three Wounded Wives

My heart is burning with ache for three friends this Christmas. A, who separated from her husband this year; J, whose husband is facing danger daily in Iraq for the next year; and K, whose husband was killed this past summer in the war. These are my friends; these are wives with hearts for their husbands; these are mothers with fatherless children. Will this Christmas be full of joy for them?

They are wounded... heartbroken, raw, tender, exposed. I hurt for them. If you are reading this please join with me in fervent prayer for Peace, Comfort and Joy.

Yet, as always in this world of opposites, the broken hearted are the blessed. He draws near to them. I have seen it in each of these lives, as well as my own. Never can you know what Comfort means until you receive it from Him. You've never had a real friend until He is your only one left whom you can lean on. And peace is not True Peace unless the world around you has crumbled yet you still have Peace. You're never more strong until you've got no strength of your own left and get it all from Him. Peace, Comfort, Friendship, Strength- these are a Person. That Person will never ever leave you, never turn his back on you. This is the true gift this Christmas; that Christ has come, come to our hearts, and opened our eyes to see the flip side of the coin.

your pain= His Comfort
your loneliness=His Friendship
your turmoil=His Peace
your weakness= His Strength

And a word of hope for my three friends:
Isaiah 54:5
For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.
Psalm 34:18
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Today's Forecast

The forecast for Savannah today: Abundant Sunshine.

Thank you Lord, I needed that. May your Light be abundant in my heart today as well.

The Gift of a New Day

I've heard it a thousand times before: "Live each day as if it were your last." But somehow that saying has never really seemed right to me. For one thing, if it were my last day and I knew it, I would spend the day looking around and crying because I would be seeing things for the last time- my children's legs as they run, the scruff of Ben's face, their smiles up close, each friend, my earthly home. There would be so much that I would want to say, do, and stick around to see. It would be a mourning day.

But, have you ever heard someone tell the story of how they looked death in the face, knew it was the day they would die, and somehow, miracles happened and they survived to tell about it? What do they all say? "I don't take life for granted anymore." They can't. They thought they were dead, that they'd never get to see their loved ones again, and then surprise! another day, another month, another life, was given them. Such joy! Such an unexpected, spectacular gift!

That's how I want to live. I want to live as if each yesterday was my last day on earth, and today is a total bonus. Surprise! I woke up today, breathing, moving... I get to see my children again! Surprise! I get to hold my husband again... I get to talk to my parents again! What shall I do today, on this blessed extra day of life that the Lord has given to me? What a precious day to be cherished, revered. I see my day in a new light. I no longer want to push my kids away so I can watch tv... no! Curl up close to me, my love, want a story? Let me tell you how much I love you again! Those petty little things that get under my skin about people just don't seem to matter anymore... yesterday I thought I'd never see them again and it hurt... so today I will smile at them and value every moment of friendship, no matter how strained. Yesterday I thought about the chores to be done and it actually made me sad to think I'd never get to prepare dinner for my family again, never get to fold the little boys' clothes, never get to iron a shirt for husband's work day... but now I get to! Surprise! I get to... love life. I love these people in it. Each day is a gift.

And really, it's true. Do I control the beating of my heart? Do I control each life-giving cell in my body? Do I control the drivers on the road? The Lord says, "Which of you can add a single hour to your life?" So each moment is given to me by this tender-hearted, merciful, soveriegn God and every day that I wake up is a surprise. I did nothing to deserve this extra day. So I will live as though I thought it wouldn't come.

Another day, Lord? Really, this is too good to be true. You are so generous! Thank you!

Be With Me

I do not ask that I may steer
My peaceful bark by peaceful shores alone,
Nor that I linger, harbor-bound,
And sail no stormy seas unknown;
I only ask this boon of Thee:
Be ever in the ship with me.


I do not ask that I may dwell
From din of battle far removed,
Nor ever feel temptation's force,
Nor ever know mine armor proved;
I only ask, through Life's long fight,
Grant me the power of Thy might.


I do not ask, that I may walk
Only on smoothly trodden grass,
Nor ever climb the mountain's height
And trembling, through its dangers pass;
I only ask, on rocks or sand,
The sure upholding of Thy hand.


I dare not pray for any gift
Upon my pilgrim path to Heaven;
I only ask one thing of Thee:
Give Thou Thyself and all is given.
I am not strong not brave nor wise;
Be Thou with me - it shall suffice. (Annie Johnson Flint)

Seeing Jesus

I just finished reading a biography of Mother Teresa. Do you know what she said when asked how she could love and care for the sick and dying poor everyday for decades?

"I see Jesus in every face."

That is profound.

"When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?"
The King will reply, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." -Matthew 25:39-40

"Lord help me see Jesus in every face today."

My Psalm

I give praise to God, for He is good.
I thank him for His faithfulness.
Surely He has heard my prayers and directed my steps.
He has forgiven my sins because I have not hid them from Him.
I asked Him to search me and know me, and reveal any wickedness.
And He has dwelt kindly with me!
I am amazed at his long-suffering and lovingkindness.
He disciplines those He loves. I am grateful for his discipline.
He never leaves me; He is my shelter when I am weak.
He is ever-present. He fulfills all my needs.
He is a wonderful teacher, full of never-ending grace.

When I am frightened by strangers who seek to do me harm, I lean on You.
You build my trust and strengthen me!
When my heart is wounded by a friend who points out my weaknesses, You are the only One who understands.
You pour your love over me and show me the way of truth. Your judgements are holy!
What can a man do to me? I run to you, Father. You are the Gentle One I can trust.

Do You change when calamity surrounds me?
Are You different because I'm afraid?
No, You are the same always. I call upon You.
You are still sovereign, and all-powerful, and steadfast, and good. My heart rejoices in my Lord who sustains me, and I will not be shaken.

One thing I know, that God is for me.
He is near me, and He is all that matters.

My Happy Place

God is so much more than someone we thank at the end of a good day, or plead with when faced with trouble. I know He is more. And even though I don't experience that "more" relationship with Him every day, I carry this feeling around in my heart of His love, His friendship deep in my soul like a distant memory. In this memory I am so very close to Him and everything is warm, and happy, and safe. It is a sweet, sweet place. I long to live there all the time. That is where Truth is; it is real life and I know that God wants me there even more than I want to be.

I get to experience a glimpse of that Truth and Life in my quiet time-- time I get to spend just God and me, with no distractions, everyday. I look forward to these "times of refreshing" because it's when I get to share secrets with God, and I love to retreat into the reality of the unseen. Spending time with God makes every day better and helps me to be more loving and giving to the people in my life. In fact, human relationships are kind of like my measuring stick, letting me know how closely I am walking with God.

No matter what stuff the day brings that I have to deal with, remembering that "happy place" with God always fills my heart with hope and purpose. I could not live without His presence within me.

Loving the Path of Suffering- Motherhood

The main goal of my life is to be pleasing to God, which means to be like Jesus, which means I have a long way to go. But I am filled with hope because I know the process has begun and He is faithful to complete it.

To become like Jesus means daily taking up my cross and following him. My understanding of this means that I must, every day, decide to kill the selfish, sinful nature in me and choose to do what Jesus did, which is serve others. Through this suffering (for it does hurt to esteem others higher than myself) I am gradually pruned and disciplined and changed until it is not I that lives but Christ in me.

I said all that to say that being a mother is THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD! I have many, many opportunities to put others first every day! It really is a joy. Loving is so much easier when you are a mother. Children really are a blessing, but not in the sense that they are fun or that they make you "happy"... They are character-building fast-tracks to becoming like Jesus. Because you truly love someone who causes you so much pain... yet you can choose to live for them sacrificially without a guarantee of appreciation. Isn't that what Christ does for us? I am glad that I have this opportunity. I am in the exact right spot.

Many people will say, "I can't imagine staying home with my kids all day- I'd go insane" or "In order for us to live this lifestyle (where both mom and dad work to pay for the big house or two car payments or whatever), some sacrifices have to be made." Guess who gets sacrificed? The children... their time with their family, their sense of security, their innocence. Is that really worth it? Well, it is if you value your "happiness" over your kids' well-being. Every day as a parent you have to choose between something and your kids' well-being. And choosing my kids over other things time after time has trained me to be more giving and serving, and that is what I'm talking about here today. I'm grateful for this choice. I'm grateful that this is how I can let Christ live through me. Because, although there are an infinite number of ways to become like Christ, this one has got to be the most rewarding.

I really, really love my children.

Why is there Evil in the World?

Well, I came upon someone's thoughts on this question online today. I will let you read them and then make a few comments. (This man is a Christian theologian, from what I gather, posting on a forum.)

"Gen. 3:5 states that God knows Good and Evil. Knowing Evil, being aware of it, is not an Evil thing within itself, nor is being aware of Evil some kind of mental sin. Evil is nobody's thoughts, ours or Gods, God just knows it would eventually be thought of. So he created us to deal with these thoughts first, by rubbing our faces in it, we will retain a permanent attitude toward it throughout eternity, permanently convinced it is just no Good. I believe we will be able to understand what Evil is, and through becoming like God, it can never penetrate us again. God holds the power to block anything from his creations' minds, but he did not choose to do this with Evil. It then is part of our creation, our education, our very birth. I think this whole experience with Evil is not only for humanity, but the entire heavenly host of created beings are learning from this that we go through. One of the reasons Heaven will rejoice at our coronation is because they will be happy for us that the Great Suffering is over, they who have never suffered before. Never felt pain or misery. Never been slaves to Evil."

Well, I don't know if everything he said there is 100% true, but I do think he has a good point. It makes me think:

1. That our freedom in Christ is celebrated by all of Heaven and sweet to us because we know the pain of slavery to sin and the effects of the Evil sin brings into our lives.

2. That all of this (life, history, pain and suffering) are designed to make us and everyone else (heavenly beings) positively sure that Evil is bad and God is good.

3. The writer makes it sound like God intended us as an object lesson in good vs evil, when I've always thought He intended a perfect world when He created it and we messed it up. I think he's wrong.

The answer to why is there evil in the world is simple, right? --because there's sin in the world. But Satan tempted Eve- he was already in the world before sin. So why were we put in the same place as Satan to begin with? And did Eve's act of sin give him the power to be Evil on Earth? Does our personal sin give him power to be Evil in our lives and cause us suffering? What about Job? He was blameless and yet experienced tremendous suffering! So our pain and suffering are not dependent on our sin or lack thereof (although sin causes death). It is dependent on God giving Satan permission to do us harm, which God then uses to bring about good in our lives (since he only intends good for us and not evil). So to God, pain and suffering must not equal Evil. And Evil does not equal sin, since it existed before the Fall.

So maybe we are an object lesson after all. Or maybe this is going to take more thought and questioning. Or maybe it's too complicated and I need not even try to understand this side of heaven.

Any thoughts?

Giving Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving to all of those special people who read my blog! I hope you've noticed through my musings here that I tend to have a grateful attitude about life (most days, anyway!). It is the best way to live and love life, you know? God has blessed me way beyond what I deserve with earthly comforts and loving family. But I also want to take this moment to thank Him now for the struggles and things that aren't so comfortable. It is through them that I am humbled, learn to trust Him and realize the important things in life. I'm listening to a particular hymn a lot lately, and it pretty much is the beginning and end of all the things I'm thankful for. Here it is:

Before the throne of God above I have a strong and perfect plea
A great High Priest whose name is Love, Who ever lives and pleads for me
My name is written on His heart; My name is graven on His hands
I know that while in heaven He stands no tongue can bid me thence depart
No tongue can bid me thence depart

When Satan tempts me to despair and tells me of the guilt within
Upward I look and see Him there, Who made an end to all my sin
Because the sinless Savior died my sinful soul is counted free
For God the Just is satisfied to look on Him and pardon me
To look on Him and pardon me

Behold Him there, the risen Lamb, my perfect spotless righteousness
The great unchangeable I Am, the King of glory and of grace
One with Himself I cannot die. My soul is purchased with His blood
My life is hid with Christ on high, with Christ my Savior and my God
With Christ my Savior and my God

I am left almost speechless when I read these lyrics. I say "almost" because there is of course, "Thank You!" It is the perfect way to start each day, remembering and being grateful for the Creator of the Universe weaving me into His plan like that. I can imagine Jesus standing before the Father, reminding Him every time I sin that He paid the price for me, and God, the Just Judge, is satisfied with that and I am cleared. What a scene! Can you picture it?

God bless you all and your families,
Trish

Another Noah Prayer- A Grateful Heart

We had a wonderful God-filled day yesterday. We began with our Bible story about Noah's Ark, and Baker was so into it that he made me read them 5 chapters instead of one! Then at lunch Noah made us pray before we ate and I noticed that I almost never have to remind them to pray before eating anymore. They usually make sure it happens on their own. At bedtime, Noah asked me if angels were bigger than God and that sparked this incredible talk about how big God is, how special we are to Him, and how He's with us everywhere because of the Holy Spirit. I wish you all could have seen the amazement on this child's face as I told him about the Lord. I said goodnight and left, but lingered outside the door, feeling so blessed to be able to raise children that know God's love for them. Then, Noah began:

"Dear God, Thank you for my family. Thank you for my mom. She's the bestest-- she tells me all about You! And I really, really love You."

He didn't stop there... he counted his blessings for another couple of minutes. But those first few words of thanks to God for me will stick with me forever. I'll probably be clinging to them during the tough times ahead in this journey called parenting. I'm so thankful to God for my children They really are blessings!

And, by the way, that grateful heart Noah showed in his prayer last night has stuck with him all day. He has told me thank you so many times today I lost count. How wonderful to be thanked for every little small thing I do for an entire day!

On God and Skating

Today I took my kids to an indoor skating rink, strapped the skates on their little feet and sent them out onto the huge, hard floor filled with fast, flailing kids-on-wheels. It was a big day for me. For one thing, my own personal memories of 'hokey-pokey', 'backwards-skate', and the dreaded 'couple-skate' came rushing back. But mainly I was just so doggone proud of my little kids, out there in this new rolley world, trying to be 'big', clinging to the outer rails. They would fall, of course. They would really struggle at first trying to get up and sometimes I really wanted to help them but I knew they had to learn to get up by themselves. And what excited me the most was that they never gave up! I braced for tears of frustration, but they just kept struggling to get back on their feet until it became easy for them to do. And then I got whacked upside the head with one of those ever so common lightbulb moments that happen when I watch my children:

Maybe, just maybe, God isn't so concerned with the fact that I fall. Maybe He kind of even expects it (or at least it's not a shock). Maybe He is really proud of me for learning how to get up again (come back to Him) after I fall. Maybe that's what gets Him really excited, not my perfect performance, gliding through life.

One time Noah was skating across the middle of the rink, and doing quite well, when he fell pretty badly just before he got to the other side. The look on his face said a thousand words. I could tell that not only was he really frustrated with himself for "failing", but he looked to me to see if I was dissapointed in him, too. As if somehow He failed me. It was in that moment that I realized just how much legalistic church-induced guilt I still have polluting my relationship with my Father. I'm always doing that to God, ya know? I'll sin, and then immediately think that God is looking at me with a dissapproving glare (kind of like those preachers do). I'll brace myself for His rejection. I failed Him, again. But...

maybe God isn't dissappointed that I fell. Maybe He would never reject me. Maybe He's just watching to see what I do after the fall...

He's Committed!

This song lyric made my heart glad today:

You're committed to this process that makes me like You, and it makes me want to dance!

I've been stewing in this promise of God lately: "For from the very beginning God decided that those who came to him- and he knew all aong who would- should become like his Son, so that his Son would be the First, with many brothers. And having chosen us, he called us to come to him; and when we came, he declared us "not guilty," filled us with Christ's goodness, gave us right standing with himself, and promised us his glory." (Romans 8:29-30, TLB)

God decided that He's going to make me like Jesus! That's the way it's going to be. He's committed to this process. I don't know about you, but that makes me want to praise Him with all I've got! It means freedom for me, because it doesn't matter how committed I feel everyday. I'm so glad that I don't have to try really hard to be like Jesus all on my own. That would make me a hypocrite- I'd try to appear holy but not have any of the heart attitudes to back it up. To truly be like Him from the inside out, I desperately need His help. So now I can rest in God's Word, His Truth, His Promise- this course that's been carefully planned out for my life that is so beyond my imagination- and comfort in His loving ways of making me more like Christ.

I think my biggest fear in this life is that it's up to me somehow (Lightbulb!). Praise and thank God that it is not up to me! That I can just rest in Him. I don't have to figure out how everything works, I can just take the next footstep with God holding my hand. My part is to give each day to Him, and God will weave everything I need (humilty, patience, kindness, love, evangelism, discipline, etc) into my life at the right moment. He wants to; that's The Plan.

You Have Today!

I wanted to write about something God told me the other day. I was worrying and fretting about exactly how to make sure I do such a grand job parenting that all my boys turn out to be God-fearing, hard-working, loving leaders one day. Because if I’m the best mom that I can be then it will happen, right? But God spoke louder than my worrying thoughts and said, “How they turn out in the future is my job. You have today.” Ah! What a light bulb moment for me. If I want my boys to become honest men, I teach them today to be honest. I can’t be anxious about tomorrow when today is all I’m promised. So today I will teach them to be hard-working, and loving, and respectful, and all the other stuff. That’s all I’m asked to do. Then God will handle all of their tomorrows.

And another thing, under the surface of these “noble mother worries,” isn’t there something a little darker going on in my heart? Something like this: If I am good enough (performance) then my kids will be wonderful (success) and everyone will see that I am good enough (other people’s opinions). May God continually forgive me for my self-centeredness! Because even though wanting the best for my children is a godly thing to do, wanting my children to “do well” in order for me to gain earthly glory is sin. All the glory belongs to God, and that is something that I will remember only when I walk in complete humility before Him.

So Long Status Quo!

You know how you can listen to a song for months without really hearing it? Maybe it's the music style that turns your ears off and you miss the lyrics. Well that's what happened with me and "Brave" by Nicole Nordeman. But yesterday I heard the first verse of that song for the first time and it really spoke to me. I feel like this really sums up the struggle to be a Christian (meaning Christ-like) in today's American society:

The gate is wide
The road is paved in moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground
You're safe and sound and
Until now it's where I've been
Cause it's been fear that ties me down to everything
But it's been love, Your love, that cuts the strings

I especially like the part about the crowd being kind, and telling you that now that you are average (middle-ground), you are safe. I think that most of the things that people, media, and the government tell us through smiling faces are designed by our Enemy to keep us in fear and out of God's Love, which is freedom. In our politically "free" nation of America, we are spiritually bound up to an unprecedented level. We are slaves to status quo. Let me say that again:

WE ARE SLAVES TO STATUS QUO!

That makes me so angry! All we want is what everyone else has. We want to look like the accepted ideal. Dress like the cool people, go to the nice restaurants, drive an acceptable car, have nice-looking friends with money. We are Christians! We are set apart, called to put all of our hearts into loving God. But how much of my heart is utterly devoted to keeping up with the world's standards? (I believe that the urge to conform to "a group" begins in school when our easily influenced babies spend all day with kids their same age who are all supposed to act the same way and strive for the same goal, which is putting down a pre-determined answer on a test to get a "good grade" or impressing the popular kids by acting just like them. But that is another topic that I won't get started on right now.)

Like the song says, it is God's perfect love that casts out the fear (What if I don't measure up? What if I never arrive? What if I can't please her/him?) and cuts those strings that tie us down to conformity, to mediocrisy, to death. When we truly encounter God's love in our own lives, we get free. Because only then do we understand how accepted and loved we already are, and we're free not to impress people. Free not to measure up to this culture's standard. Free to be great. Free to be me.